Uncategorized

Stress Release On The Regular

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

I’ve had an idea cooking for over a year now. It’s based on observations of my clients, my friends, my students, and myself, as well as what is going on out there in the world. What I see is this: Women have always fulfilled the role of caring for the young, the weak, and the vulnerable. The world as we know it seems to be collapsing in pieces, and the need for caregiving is growing exponentially. Most of us are just trying to get by, do some good, appreciate time with loved ones, and make a difference where we can. With violence, bigotry, and intense climate change, the stress of modern life is hitting the high mark almost daily for many.

There’s a lot of lip service paid to stress relief and self-care, but what does that mean? Taking time out for you? Splurging on that girls’ weekend? The reality is, most of us can’t get a massage every day or, more importantly, every time stress hits the body. We can’t control our environments or live in a bubble. We need to be able to process what’s coming at us efficiently. We need to release emotions as they come in, before they build into an anxiety crescendo or harden into resentment and hopelessness. There’s important work to do out there, and there are wonderful relationships, natural beauty, and moments of joy to appreciate in these temporary lifetimes we live. But we can’t see those blessings let alone move forward when we carry around too much emotional weight.

So here’s the idea that has finished cooking and is ready to be served:

Release and Empower: A Women’s Group for Letting Go and Moving On

This isn’t therapy or interpersonal processing; it’s women doing their own emotional release and empowerment work, together. Practicing the simplest of the simple tools I’ve learned over the past twenty-three years, it’s spiritual hygiene, a boot camp for emotional strength. 

If you feel almost chronically stressed because you’re going through a major life change, you’ve struggled with anxiety your whole life, or because you’re an empath and the news is breaking your heart, this work was created for you. The group is a season of commitment to regularly releasing stress from the mind, the body, and the heart, re-energizing your spirit and re-aligning with clear guidance. It starts Sunday, September 15th, and you can get all the details here. And if you’d like to experience a FREE sample of this work, join me on Saturday, September 7th. 

Cheering you on from the sidelines in whatever inspirations light your fire, 

Julia Aziz


Feel It to Free It: Lessons From a Waterfall

/ Julia Aziz / 2 Comments

As many of you know, I fell down a waterfall in Colorado last summer. When I returned there this summer and saw just how far a fall it really was, I sat down and wept. I cried for the grace in that accident, how I didn’t smash my head on the jagged boulders, how I landed in a shallow pool of water instead of falling off the cliff edge behind. As I walked away this year, humbled by my protection, my legs were shaking just a little. Awe and terror are flip sides of the same vibration, the light and the shadow of a feeling so overpowering, we rarely go there by choice. Like euphoric joy and the deepest of grief, to permit this fullness of emotion is a release and a relief. 

Of course, we all have blocks to feeling certain ways. Whether it is nervousness or terror, feelings in the fear realm are often guarded against with control. Have you ever been afraid to lose someone or something, so you held on even tighter? You can resist the vulnerability of anxiety, but it may just grow stronger, yearning to be felt and seen. The resistance itself can’t be ignored, fought, or even loved to death. Instead, like a waterfall, we can flow over, around, and through it. Cleansing every crevice, emotion flows wherever the tiniest spaces open for her. Even just a little release, the briefest acknowledgement, lets us continue on our way more easily.

I’ve wondered, sometimes, what would it be like if people went around expressing how they really felt all the time? Would employees collapse in hopelessness at meetings? Would fights break out in the grocery stores? The point is not to be at the mercy of fleeting emotions or to vomit them out on everyone else. The point is to create easy, private, loving spaces to feel and let go, so we can be relieved of tension, more clear and able to interact harmoniously with others. 

These summer days in the mountains, I’m walking straight into the waterfalls and letting them drench me through and through. The more I walk this trail of life as a woman who feels her feelings, the more I see other women and men giving themselves this same permission. There have been times in our history when pretending to be OK was a form of protection. But it’s authenticity that frees us from that prison now. When we release, we can relax, and then we can actually do all those important things we need to do, like finding creative solutions to problems and having productive, healing conversations when there has been conflict.

Letting emotions be felt and released, returning to a natural peace, and loving ourselves the whole way through. I’m currently developing a women’s group to support this kind of regular emotional and spiritual hygiene. It’s bringing together the most simple, therapeutic practices I’ve yet discovered for getting back in easy flow, no matter what feeling state you begin in. I’m really looking forward to sharing it with you! I’m starting an interest list, so please sign up for my mailing list if you want to make sure you get the details.

Whether you’re feeling a trickle or a waterfall, may your true emotions cleanse you, washing away old beliefs that you are anything but divine. 

With love,
Julia Aziz

When you gotta do what you gotta do

/ Julia Aziz / 1 Comment

Two summers ago, I met a bear. It was my first morning in Colorado, when I went out for a walk and discovered a nearby mountain trail. Being able to walk alone out my front door and into raw nature is one of my favorite pleasures of life, so I was singing along and hiking hard, grateful to be there. After a couple hours of happy exploring, I returned to the base of the mountain and was looking at a posted map when I heard a rustling sound. I turned around, and there he was, a bear walking down the trail headed straight towards me. 

Not only had I never seen a bear before in real life, I hadn’t even realized that seeing one in this area was a possibility. My very first instinct was shocked stillness. My next first instinct was to flee. I made an involuntary gesture as if to make a run for it, which made the bear approach faster, with more curiosity. So I turned to face him head on, spreading my arms and legs wide, making my most ferocious-sounding, guttural growl.

The bear, now fifteen feet away, stopped, looked me in the eyes, and tilted his head, as if to say, “Huh?” Then he turned away, veering off the trail into the forest. Heart-racing, I watched him go, holding myself back now from following him. He had scared me to death and was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.

Is there something you’re afraid of that may be coming towards you, like it or not? Maybe there’s a big change you’ve considered making, and though you don’t feel completely ready, it’s starting to happen anyway. Or perhaps you’ve been keeping parts of yourself hidden out of fear of being judged, but it’s becoming more painful to hold back now. We must do what we are called to do, even when the reasons don’t line up. It’s like hiking alone in the deep forest. Maybe it’s not the safest thing to do. But sometimes what we love requires facing what we fear. It’s how we find out we are strong enough.

Last year, on the same mountain trail, I started climbing a waterfall when I lost my balance, flipped over backwards, and luckily landed in a shallow pool of water. Alone, with less than half a water bottle left and one ankle/foot clearly unable to move, it was up to me to get myself down the mountain far enough to find phone service and call for help. I had to wear an ankle boot for two months and couldn’t take a walk again all summer. This mountain has been schooling me! I am approaching it this summer with great humility and respect. I will honor this trail as the pilgrimage route it is, at least for me. It is beautiful, terrifying, and magical, like all paths of courage. The answer, I know, is not to stop climbing the mountain.

I hope you have a wonderful summer, and I hope you decide to take risks for what you love. You’ve got what it takes, even when you’re not so sure that’s true. I always welcome hearing your stories if you’d like to share them too! 

Much love,

Julia Aziz

For more support in taking risks and welcoming change, sign up for my mailing list 💛

Getting lost and found

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

Do you feel a little lost and somewhat paralyzed when you’re not sure what to do? It’s easy to lose track of your internal compass when you’re trying to make big life decisions or if you’ve been on autopilot for a while. As with any obstacle, the place we are stuck is actually the doorway to where we want to be, the exact starting place from which to move forward. It all starts with “I don’t know.”

Every couple years, my family spends some time in Northern California to visit my best friend and brother. A few summers ago, I got pretty involved in a phone conversation while hiking up a mountain in the redwood forest. I was gone for almost two hours when I looked around and realized I had no idea how to get back. I had reached the summit and knew I had been in the general vicinity before, but none of the four or five narrow trails felt familiar. I tried one direction after another, retreating pretty quickly when I didn’t recognize the way. Had I meandered off the trail and not even noticed?

You may not get lost in mountain forests as often as I do, but maybe you know what it feels like to get off track, to think you’re moving along just fine, but end up confused and uncertain. Maybe you’ve tentatively started out this way or that, but have trouble committing to any direction because you think it may be the wrong one. It happens.

My return home that summer began when I said, “I’m lost. I don’t know what to do.” The map on my phone showed me as being in the middle of a big green blob. Relaying the trouble to my friend on the phone, I was reminded to “just start walking and look at your map. Are you getting closer or farther away from where you want to be?” This navigation tool worked. I started moving through the forest on and off the trails, checking my map to make sure I was headed more or less in the right direction. Eventually, I found a familiar road back home.

When I work with women who are feeling uncertain about their next steps, we start at the beginning: telling the truth of “I don’t know.” There is humility in this acknowledgement, and “I don’t know” is the perfect place to begin. After getting real in this open space of possibility, the next steps usually involve gathering support, remembering where you want to be, trying out some new options, and continually checking in with the heart’s compass. Is this choice bringing you closer or farther away? Trial and error guided by compassion and trust. It’s a process and an adventure, and through movement, everyone eventually arrives.

I’m wishing you the spirit of adventure on all your next steps, dear ones. And if you’re currently feeling lost or confused, please don’t hesitate to reach out for support. No one else can tell you which way to go, but sometimes the right questions help you navigate your own way.

Sending all my love,

Julia Aziz

Receive reflections like this in your inbox by signing up here.

Honoring and Celebrating Change through Ceremony

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

I went to bed at 2am last Saturday after my son’s nontraditional bar mitzvah slash coming-of-age ceremony positively vibrating with love and gratitude for all of it. Family, friends, teachers, and mentors shared their blessings and wisdom with Kaleb. It was an infusion of good vibes and appreciation! What a gift for any human being in the middle of 7th grade. 

Aside from being a proud mama, I feel re-inspired as a ceremonialist. I’ve been officiating weddings, funerals, and baby/mother blessings ever since I graduated from an interfaith seminary program in 2003. But this was my first personalized coming-of-age for one of my kids. Designing and facilitating something new requires a real trust in the creative process, whether it’s for a client or my own family. People that choose personalized ceremonies often feel like they don’t fit within the structures of organized religion, yet they long for the connection and meaning that community gathered together in reverence can bring. So when I work with a new client, I start off by asking questions. I need to know who the people are, what matters to them, and why they want to have this particular ritual. We have to root the experience in what is most meaningful and true to the people involved. So, for instance, if you come from a culture or tradition that you would like to reconnect with, I use that as a foundational piece. If you feel disconnected from the traditions of your ancestors or you’ve experienced religious trauma, I want to know where you feel the most alive and connected. Is it when you’re lying on the grass, staring up at the sky? Is it a martial arts or yoga practice? Maybe it’s hanging out with a small group of loved ones around a fire. It’s different for everyone, and that’s what makes personalized ceremonies so unique. 

Once I understand how to root the ceremony, we can branch out in ways that reflect the people involved. I follow tradition in structure or just in essence when it serves the heart-centered purpose of the ceremony. In some ways, the process is a lot like making art or writing. We start with a free flow of ideas and let them marinate for a while. In time, with patience and creative collaboration, what looks like disparate parts solidifies into form. Something brand new emerges that has never been seen before and yet is completely familiar, for it is your own.

Several friends this weekend told me they want to do something similar but don’t know where to start. The first thing I say is to give the ceremony creation some priority and a little space in your life. This isn’t just event planning (which takes time too!). The process is likely to stir up deep feelings, memories, and some questions. Ceremony is a marking of an important change you or someone you love is going through. It’s a chance to get real with yourself and with the people in your life. Rites of passage have been a part of every human culture throughout the ages. We all come from this history. We can remember and relearn our roots, and we can grow new branches reaching for the light. As humans here on earth, we have an open invitation for meaning and purpose. May we all grow strong and more beautiful in its unfolding!

All my love,

Julia Aziz

PS–If you’re considering some kind of ceremony to mark a transition in your life, and you’d like support in its development/facilitation, check out the details here to get in touch: Ceremonial Work.

PPS–If you’d just like a taste of personal ceremony, here’s a simple ritual you can use to close your work day each day.

What is a Coming of Age Ceremony?

/ Julia Aziz / 2 Comments

Some of you have asked me about the coming of age ceremony/nontraditional bar mitzvah I’m working on for my almost 13-year-old son Kaleb. There were a couple different reasons to create this event. As a ceremonialist, I wanted to continue the tradition common to many different cultures, including my own Jewish one, of marking the passage from childhood to adolescence. I knew our process would incorporate a more homegrown choose-your-own-adventure spirituality, as my husband and I come from different cultural and religious backgrounds. So I set out to create a rite of passage that would remind our son of his roots, while also giving him the freedom to follow his own compass and know his own heart. 

Then the social pressure cooker of middle school started happening in earnest. I won’t go into details because I want to protect his privacy. But the idea of gathering family, friends, teachers, and mentors that have truly appreciated Kaleb started to feel essential. I want him to remember there are people out there who see him and who have his back, especially on the darker days. As much as possible, I want him to understand that this next phase of life really is a transitional bridge. No one can give a kid this kind of context. When we are young, we can’t imagine the current dramas ever passing. But ceremony creates a context, as well as a deep memory of community acceptance. 

To prepare for the coming of age, I’ve included some elements of the traditions my husband and I each come from as well as some new ideas. There are aspects of physical preparation, spiritual study, self-reflection, creative play, and community service. The ceremony itself will be a coming together in community to acknowledge and support one of our young people as he develops into the man he will someday be. So far, the process has been a fun experiment, a homeschooling in life preparation. 

Here’s one of the study projects Kaleb has been working on. I pulled out some of our best wisdom books and asked him to pick five to read and reflect on. As you may imagine, he’s been choosing the thinner ones. So far, he seems to have liked The Alchemist best, judging by the fact that he read it in one evening. Definitely one of my top ten favorites too. 

Kaleb is our first child, so he’s getting the trial run in our family. I’m looking forward to spending a weekend with relatives we rarely see and friends who have taken the time to know our quiet, earnest boy over the years. It’s a lot of attention, for sure. But hopefully the good kind, the kind that stays with you through the lonelier days and reminds you where you come from. 

Some of the books he’s been choosing from

Maybe you’re going through something important in your life, whether it be a marriage, a divorce, a death, a birth, or parenting a child transitioning into another stage. In addition to individual counseling and group work, both of which can be super helpful during big changes, I work with people in creating personalized, meaningful events that reflect who you are and what you value. Changes can be rough, but they are also ripe for growth. I hope you give yourself permission to receive all the support that’s available to you. And may that be true for all the children as well!

With care,

Julia Aziz

Sign up for my mailing list and let’s keep in touch!

Why I think Valentine’s Day is best celebrated in elementary school

/ Julia Aziz / 1 Comment

It’s my middle child’s last year of elementary school, and I have been watching him write valentines for all his classmates. It’s a bittersweet time for me, knowing that Valentine’s Day will never be the same again for him. Soon enough, valentines will be for lovers, and he will know the same idol of romantic love that his culture bows down to. If he is lucky in friendship, he may exchange loving messages with friends or family too. But the form of human love overlooked on Valentine’s Day is one that we could all use more of, and it is the spirit behind elementary school valentine exchanges. 

Community love. 

Community love is appreciating the people we are on this crazy earth ship with, whether or not each individual is our favorite person to be around. It’s the kind mail carrier who always says hello and the neighbor across the street who posts constantly on NextDoor. In elementary school, you make a valentine for everyone, whether or not you know them well or enjoy their presence. Some kids grumble about having to make them, most bring store-bought candy, and the majority ignore hand-written notes. It can also be a hard time for the kids being bullied, shunned, or overlooked. Community love is messy like all other forms of human love. But there is an opportunity here, a teachable moment for us all. The spirit behind the practice is to look for something you can appreciate about the people around you. Even if it’s that they are making you stronger and more resilient by being your adversary. It’s about gratitude for the whole, even if all the parts are imperfect on their own.

Community problems need community healing. We are each responsible for our own well-being, but we can only go so far alone. When we come together to support ourselves in community with each other, the power of our individual work grows exponentially. 

If you feel a bit disconnected from community love, I am happy to share one of my communities with you. Community Wellness Hour is *free*, and it is an ever-evolving group of people who take time out of their lives to slow down, center, and relax each week. We come from all kinds of backgrounds, but we all come for peace. 

Community Wellness Hour is drop-in, but regulars rotate in and out. When you first arrive, you’ll sit down and receive ear acupuncture called the NADA protocol. This protocol is commonly used for addiction as well as general stress recovery. If you aren’t comfortable with needles, we have some cute little beads to wear for acupressure. We sit in silence for the first half hour, meditating or letting the mind go wherever it needs. Then we all go on a little imaginary journey together through a guided meditation. We end with a brief sharing circle, which is all the more authentic because of the quiet we just shared.

I don’t remember everyone’s name. I even forget faces, which I am trying to do better at. But I do feel the love in the room each and every time. It’s different than romantic, family, or friendship love. It’s just humanity, sitting together, doing the best we can. I am grateful for all of it.

Community Wellness Hour


Whether you join us one day or not, I hope you feel the love of your community today. You are not alone here. We are here.

Julia Aziz

Sign up for my mailing list to hear about other community offerings as they come up.

What’s the best therapy?

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

Recently one of my students asked a question that deserves some honest attention: “What kind of therapy works?” There are a lot of modalities out there, and the popularity of each lasts about as long as a fashion style. Most even have their own acronyms: EMDR, SE, IFS, DBT, and so on. Pretty much every modality works for some people and not so well for others. No one wants to talk about this because it seems to devalue the years of education, training, and supervision it takes to enter the counseling professions and become certified in different techniques. But I see it differently. I think it shows just how important the people are to the process. What works in therapy is something much more personal, both simpler and more profound.

Good therapy has to do with presence. How deep is the practitioner’s awareness, how full is their attention. If you’ve ever been around a person who is completely there with you, who sees you as you really are, that’s presence. So if you’re looking for someone to support you through a difficult time in your life, I’d say, look for someone you naturally click with and who can bring their whole being into the room with you. 

As for what modality they practice, what’s most important is that they’ve made it their own. The most influential therapists have been the ones who have developed these tools, after all. Before a technique becomes a model, it is raw intuition and creativity. So whether someone has five credentials or just one, what matters is that they use their particular tools in a way that feels natural and genuine. A lot of different methods work, but beneath all of them is the essence of the person using them. 

And of course, no one can do your work for you, no matter how interesting and complex their process is. There is no magic fix. We heal when we are ready and in our own time; it’s not something someone else does for us. Having someone who sees your strength when you can’t see it can be a missing ingredient, the one that opens up the real possibility of something new emerging. And then, when you’re ready to let go of the old ways, you step into that possibility. There are many wonderful processes that facilitate change, but in the end, you and only you can put those changes into practice day by day.

We all have to take responsibility for our own feelings, our own reactions, and our own choices. But we are not alone here. Just the act of seeking help is a powerful statement of readiness for change. It’s one of the hardest steps, but it opens the way for many more to follow. With clear intention, authentic support, and practice, growth is inevitable!

Wishing you the right support at the right time, with ease,

Julia Aziz

Let’s keep in touch! Sign up for my mailing list to receive reflections like this in your inbox. You’re also welcome to check out my holistic psychotherapy services if you’re looking for a new practitioner.

Hypnosis?

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

I’ve been talking more about hypnosis lately, and I’m getting responses along the lines of, “You make people cluck like chickens, and that’s therapy?” I mean, these days, I’ve heard of stranger things, so maybe that would work! But hypnotherapy has nothing to do with stage performance or making people do things they don’t want to do. (I promise you, that’s not even in my wheelhouse.) I see hypnosis as a natural extension of meditation and a powerful healing tool that has been used in traditional indigenous cultures since the beginning of human time. It’s all about taking an inward journey to a deeper state of relaxation similar to lucid dreaming, where the body, mind, and spirit become more open and receptive to change. 

Doing hypnosis in therapy is like listening to a deeper and more personalized guided meditation, all in the service of some change you would like to see or some aspect of self you’d like to explore. It feels like a very relaxing imaginary adventure where you can energetically sense the shift you’ve been waiting for. Oftentimes, people have visions and feel a pretty profound uplift in mood and energy. Or you can stay closer to the surface and just enjoy a more restful mind. You are always in control of the experience and can come out of it at any moment. It’s very safe and surprisingly effective. 

Beyond the power of the hypnosis experience, the real point is to learn to access that quiet intuitive space as often as you can. That’s called self-hypnosis. When we relax our minds and enter a more creative sphere, we find new solutions, and, even more importantly, we find peace in situations that are normally stressful. In the end, it’s that moment-to-moment okay-ness with what’s happening that makes just about everything a little easier. 

People often have questions about hypnosis, and every hypnotherapist works a little differently. In my practice, hypnosis is a tool for releasing old, stuck patterns and coming into greater balance, ease, and well-being. It’s a natural, gentle way to access a relaxed, open mind where the seeds of change can really take root. I sometimes incorporate hypnotherapy for help with:

  • Anxiety
  • Pregnancy symptoms and/or childbirth preparation
  • Parenting stress 
  • Moving on from an old relationship
  • A relentless inner critic 
  • Confidence-building
  • Career changes 
  • Stress-related health issues 
  • Facing the loss of a loved one 
  • General stress management 

I don’t use hypnosis with everyone I work with because it’s not what everyone needs, and I feel strongly about working with people in the way that feels best to them. But hypnosis is a great tool for those who want to try something new. If you’re curious or know someone you think might benefit, feel free to check out my counseling services. We’ll see what would be most helpful to you, and take it from there.

Wishing you much peace in this moment and in all the ones that come next,

Julia Aziz

The more there is to do, the slower I need to do it

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

December is a weird month. Every group, community, class, and workplace is throwing a party, often at the same time. There are showcases, performances, potlucks, and all kinds of holiday gift exchanges. All with an underlying, sometimes not so subtle, pressure to participate.

I like to show up for the people in my life and reconnect with the communities I participate in. But I am not too keen on constant activity. These December days can be quite a whirlwind, moving from one obligatory celebration to another. I am finding this year to be different though. There are just as many events on the calendar, but I don’t feel as overwhelmed. Something in me is different.

I am moving slower. Taking breaks in between for a cup of tea. Saying no to requests that don’t align with my values, especially those that involve buying stuff that feels unnecessary. Letting it be OK if I don’t have anything to say at a party. Spending time just lying down, not watching Netflix, not reading a book, not looking at my phone, not meditating either. The other day, I had about two hours left of work to do, and I was just too tired to do it. So I took a nap, then woke up and got the work done in thirty minutes. It’s amazing how much can get done when my energy is truly recharged.

As a native New Yorker with a walk that has sometimes outpaced my running friends, this slower way of going about life is liberating. I love it. I don’t need to push through or pretend anything. I can just show up. Happily. As I am. 

I  wish this slower pace for all of us this December. To do what feels good to your own heart. To drop the rest, with love. To move at your own pace. To attend events in full agreement to being there, and if you can’t, to go home and take a nap. To enjoy the empty moments as well as the full ones. It’s December, and we are heading into the winter’s den. There is time for everything, and everything has its time. 

Wishing you some nourishing slow time,

Julia Aziz

Receive more like this in your inbox by signing up for my mailing list.