How we are with each other

Sixteen years ago, I worked as a counselor for a nonprofit that was run by the consensus process. When I first started there, I was so excited. I envisioned a place where everyone’s voice was heard and counted equally, a highly evolved and cooperative utopia. The reality, however, was more challenging. Everyone’s voice was certainly heard, but often for long, drawn out meetings. Minor decisions had to be debated and postponed week after week until an agreement could be reached. As we know, opinions don’t change easily. Sharing new ideas doesn’t mean other people will be receptive to them. And if everybody’s talking, who is there to listen? 

I learned a lot from participating in the consensus process, and while I still deeply respect the model, I realized I don’t have the inner patience for it. Hearing too many opinions drains my compassion. My favorite way of being in community is more nonverbal. Some years before that nonprofit job, during a work exchange at a yoga retreat center, I had my first experience of group sharing without cross-talk. Being together in silence, owning our experiences, and sharing without the interference of others’ judgments was a relief and a revelation. Not only did we leave those meetings more centered and connected, making clear choices came easier too.  

It’s tricky, interacting with other people these days. It’s hard not to get pulled into a downward spiral of how terrible everything is and what should or shouldn’t be happening. Sure, it can be interesting to hear what you think about it all, but what I really want to know is, what is giving you strength each day? How are you keeping your heart open? In today’s world, where so little is actually known or understood, opinions feel even less compelling to me. I wonder more what changes are growing in you.

As a dear friend said to me yesterday, it’s compost time. If triggering information and opinions are going to keep coming in, all that heavy mental-emotional energy needs to be regularly let out. I’ve been hearing people say that everyone is going to need therapy when this is all over, as if mental health is something we can put on hold to deal with on some future, easier day. Mental health is not a matter of keeping it all together until the outside world improves. Let’s please not hold our breaths like that. There’s another way, one that has been around much longer than modern psychology or colonialist times. We can ritually call in, feel, and release the strong and messy feelings on purpose. When we do this letting go together in a protected and loving container, the relief is exponential. We can find both our own hearts and each other again. 

I’ve been studying different holistic helping modalities for many years now, and I still find profound worth in the most simple practice of being quiet together in community, listening to each other and witnessing without offering opinions. As many of you know, we do this type of sharing at the end of the women’s release & empower groups. When we went online this spring, I was heartened to see that we really can do this community self-healing work virtually. It’s not passively receiving information staring at yet another screen in a webinar; it’s being together at home, actively letting stuck energies move through the mind, body, and heart without advice or judgments getting in the way. To make this community practice more accessible and available throughout the changing times we’re in, an online Release & Empower community is opening August 1st, with a FREE introductory workshop the week before. Especially if you’ve been doing a lot of emotional caregiving professionally or at home, check it out, and invite a friend you’d like to be with in authentic community. 

I don’t know what’s going on around here. What I do know is that even when I tire of opinions, I still care about other people’s experiences. I still love when we can be ourselves together. No matter what is lost, no matter what comes next, I am grateful to be moving through these changes with you.

Wishing you treat yourself to whatever deeply frees your spirit,


PS-If you’d like to learn more about the expressive writing practice we do in Release & Empower and receive some extra support with your self-care at home, check out this new mini practice book just released last month for pandemic times: When You’re Having a Hard Time: The Little Book That Listens. It’s a little heart’s guidance for emotional strength and resilience. 

PPS-The release & empower workshop is designed for helping professionals and other emotional caregivers who have been holding it together for others a lot lately. It’s powerful work and requires a certain level of social support and self-care grounding to integrate. If you’re really struggling with mental health right now and feel at the verge of a breakdown, this workshop will not be sufficient nor appropriate. If you don’t know where to turn, try a 24/7 free crisis hotline that can connect you with good and local support, or you can use this textline for help with coronavirus-related anxiety and grief. Help is available, and I encourage you to receive it when you need it! 

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When the way out is through

I think I’m done with “How are you?” as a casual way of greeting someone when we’re passing by. It seems like that phrase should be reserved for when we are truly wanting to sit down and listen to one another. I’ve never figured out how to give an authentically brief answer, and what a loaded question these days!

Some serious collective shadow work is being done by and through us now. When I say “shadow work,” I mean facing the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned or pretended didn’t exist, both on an individual level and a systemic one. My true essence, like yours, is love. Also, there are times I have been inconsiderate, pushy, dismissive, greedy, stubborn… all the painful things humans can be. These shadow parts need compassionate attention, for they come out in deadly ways when ignored or denied. When anger is safely raged, felt, and released, it can become empowerment, a clarifying of needed boundaries. Unworthiness and guilt, when spoken and cared for, can lead to making amends and a renewed sense of purpose. Like brushing teeth, there will always be shadow work to do. When we learn to navigate the intensity within ourselves though, we can show up to the intensity out there with more accountability, courage, and love. 

I just finished reading The Shift, a nurse’s memoir I had borrowed from the library right before all the libraries closed down. In it, the author talks about how important it is in medicine to “get ahead of the pain,” i.e. take pain killers before the discomfort becomes overwhelming. I think, when it comes to emotional health and personal accountability, most of us need to slow down and not get so far ahead of the pain. It’s healthy to learn how to be with discomfort. It’s important to feel the emotional distress hidden beneath layers of control and conditioning. We’ve been issued a grand invitation now to let the tears come and rail at the heavens, to enter a holy rage and a holy grief. 

I won’t presume to know what your shadow work is. There are a lot of different people reading this, and we each have our own curriculum here in earth school. There is a whole lot of learning happening right now though. My own recent shadow work is calling me to speak up more in the face of ignorance, do more conscious retraining of my racial biases, educate my children better, and make a more purposeful effort to support and connect with diverse communities. This is just a start, as it takes time and perseverance for fundamental shifts to happen, whether it’s on the individual or systemic level. What gives me hope is the accelerated change we’re in now. As the colonialist, racist, sexist, materialist, arrogant beyond all measure empire implodes, a whole new way of being together can finally emerge.

The phoenix of a new day rises from the ashes of the one before. Instead of “Hi! How are you?” I think I prefer the older language greetings, like “Namaste” where you look for the light in another person or “Shalom” where the hello and goodbye is peace. I hope to meet you heart-to-heart. I want you to know, whoever you are reading this, I am grateful to be in connection with you. I thank you for doing your inner and outer work and for resting and taking care of yourself too. These are intense times. I believe in us. Thank you for being here!

With love and humility,


A few offerings to support you:

A few of many ways to help our human family:

How about “I don’t know?”

It’s been interesting to watch all the expertise being shared in a situation that almost no one alive today has ever lived through. Yes, decisions need to be made quickly in a crisis, and we have to use the limited information available to make them. Leaders, especially community-minded, heart-centered, intelligent leaders, are genuinely needed to set the tone, and there’s a lot of societal pressure on leaders to speak with the voice of authority. But what I’m not hearing enough of in the general discourse is, “I don’t know.”

I want to talk about what we don’t know because, the way I see it, the only way to learn is to begin with not knowing. Just imagine trying to speak a new language but instead of learning the alphabet and listening to others, you start pretending to know it. You’d mumble out some gobbledy-gook and wouldn’t be able to understand how anyone responded. How would you ever learn if you didn’t admit how little you knew to start? 

Now some may say we can’t just hang around doing nothing and not knowing. That’s true. There is a lot of service to do and mouths to feed. Yet, can we also be honest with ourselves and each other about being in a place of uncertainty? Yeah, it’s uncomfortable. It also just is. The place of not knowing is dark, vast, and full of potential. It’s an important place to be, even if just for a little while each day. It is where creativity, intuition, and wisdom originate. It is where control is released. Just because we can’t see well here doesn’t mean something important isn’t happening.

I’ve been obsessed with the lower edges of tree trunks lately. I pass by trees on my morning walk, and I gaze at where they meet the ground. If I hadn’t learned better, I would think those big trunks just popped out of the grass and reached into the sky. But of course their roots lie below, maybe even directly beneath the ground I walk on. There is so much beyond what we can see. We are, after all, just little ants on a big anthill. So why pretend otherwise? 

We start with not knowing. And then perhaps we ask, what is the very next right step? That may be all the truth currently available for now.

I haven’t written in a while because I’ve been working on a couple projects that I hope will be of service and support to you in the days to come. I’m not quite ready to talk about them yet, as I want to respect their particular life cycles, let them grow with their own natural timing beneath the surface a little longer. How any of it unfolds, your guess is as good as mine. What I do know is this: 

It’s OK to be unsure and to just take one step, then the next. 

Clear knowing comes from neutrality, not fear. 

Seeing the humanity in others will never go out of style.

I wish you waves of relief in the “I don’t know,” with plenty of curiosity and listening. Reach out for support if you’re struggling though. You’re not living in the uncertainty alone.

Much love,

Julia Aziz

What matters?

The other day, I called up a dear friend and colleague who has survived four near-death health emergencies in the past decade. After a little check-in, I asked him, “So how are you feeling about your mortality these days?” We both laughed at how overly direct my question was. In typical Robert fashion, he then replied, “Well, I feel I’ve been doing my part by not using toilet paper.” Then we laughed again. 

Most people don’t want to talk about death. It’s not small talk, and the general attitude seems to be “why dwell on such things.” Well, dwelling is certainly not helpful, but taking an honest look is. While some people have been facing terminal diagnoses for a while, we now have a collective situation where it’s hard to ignore the possibility that death could come sooner rather than later. This little heads up doesn’t necessarily make grieving easier, but it is a gift. When we understand there may not be as much time left as we hoped, we might take the risk of being authentic.

Some masks are being put on, but it’s time to take another kind of mask off. While we’re waiting to see how many losses we’ll experience, there is time to be real. What needs to happen for you to feel at peace with the life you’ve lived? If there’s something left unsaid or undone, what a great time to either do it or forgive yourself for letting it go. Many people who know they are dying will say they wish they took more emotional risks in life. If you let yourself be seen, and then end up with a lot more time here after all, wonderful. Maybe taking those risks now will help you show up and live in a way that reflects what really matters to you. This is the paradox, the new life that comes from death. It is the clarifying nature of a disorienting transition.

Humanity as a whole and each one of us individually have come to a crossroads. Change is happening, but the bigger changes are not yet clear. We will not all continue in the same direction, but we are still here at the crossroads right now. So what do we do here?

You tell me what we do. You’re doing it right now. There are all sorts of things to do at the crossroads. Like this song by Taya Ma says, the wise woman does it all. She cries. Prays. Rants. Shakes her hips at the crossroads. 

The beautiful and the tragic are all wrapped up into one, as they have always been. It’s OK to grieve. It’s OK to receive. It’s a pleasure to laugh. It’s a relief to cry. And (whisper voice) it’s pretty awesome to roar at the top of your lungs when you’re not hurting anybody at all.* 

Whatever you’re thinking and feeling, I hope when you see yourself in the mirror, you look beyond appearances. Maybe send some tenderness to that very human being going through a lot of change. 

With you, in it,


PS- If you or someone you love would like to talk more about things that matter to you, let’s do that. I do 1-1 sessions phone or video. Not in the middle of the night, but I can sometimes do calls without too much notice beforehand during this Co-vid time. Also, *I’m setting up a Free Release & Empower Workshop for therapists, moms, and all those providing emotional care to others right now. Let me know if you’d like to receive the invitation and video link when it’s ready. 

PPS- Here’s a good article that addresses some choices to consider if you get really sick. It may be hard to read, but it’s so important. I honor you and your courage! 

When people feel and think differently than you

We’re having different experiences of what’s happening (like we always do), and it’s causing some highly volatile emotional weather out there. Clearly we are not all in the same health/economic/job/home/legal status/mental health situation, but also we process and adapt differently. I changed my views and practices last week several times, often after reading or talking to someone with a viewpoint I hadn’t considered. It’s a good thing, different voices. It’s also easy to get pulled into an emotional landmine you didn’t mean to step in. 

I’m seeing people volunteering to help and coming together, but I’m also seeing a lot of judgment, blaming, and shaming going on. Whether it’s a loved one who isn’t being as careful as they could or a “look on the bright side” post that hits a nerve, it’s a triggering environment. So what do we do with all this activation?

Well, first off, we know it’s often best to step away and not communicate with anyone for a bit. I am mom to three children, so trust me, I know that’s not always possible! Recovery time before responding is key though. So is remembering that while you may be triggered, it doesn’t mean anyone else is to blame. If I feel riled up, it is my responsibility to feel, soothe, and care for myself in this vulnerability. It is not my responsibility to change your mind or fix the way you feel.

If self-soothing isn’t your MO and you often harshly judge yourself, I recommend placing a hand on your heart and trying out some of these phrases when you feel the trigger coming on:

I love you, and I know you’re doing the best you can. 

I am here for you every step of the way. 

I know this has been really hard for you, and I am so proud of you. 

This is a humbling time. None of us have all the answers. Good news is: none of us ever did! Giving up the attempt to control, surrendering to “I don’t know,” making space for all the feelings to be felt, allowing others that space as well—this is what we can do for ourselves and for each other emotionally. 

It’s OK if you’re scared right now. It’s OK if you’re thriving and empowered. It’s OK if you’re furious. It’s OK if you’re despairing. It’s OK to have all these emotions and more in the span of one hour. There is plenty of space for feelings to be owned, felt, and transformed.

I wish you so much gentleness from your own heart. The more you take care of your own well-being, the better all our interactions are. We can do this ourselves, together. 


PS–If you’d like further support, please sign up for my newsletter or check out my (now remote) services here.

Wisdom From Those That Came Before Us

I don’t know who wants to hear this right now, but I hope you will share this with anyone who needs it. I promise you, there are people you love out there right now who are scared, and they don’t feel like they can talk to anyone about what they are truly afraid of. You probably also have loved ones in high risk groups who are not afraid and who are ready to talk, but they may be quite lonely because no one will listen. 

As many of you know, I used to work as a hospice chaplain, visiting people in their final months, weeks, days, and hours, as well as sitting and praying at the deathbed after a loved one’s passing. I’ve had terrifying experiences as well as profoundly blissful ones, but every single encounter with death has been humbling. There were times I felt the pull of dark energies nearby and times I was floating in bottomless peace. Yet one of the most important insights that came from those families I had the honor to witness and care about was this: much of the fear of death is really a fear of grief. 

Where there is love, there is loss. Where there is loss, there is love. This is what it means to be a human being. This is what we signed up for. There is no need to wait until you or your loved one or the whole world is in crisis. Healing can happen now. Maybe not curing, but real healing. We can forgive ourselves, we can reach out and protect each other, we can draw boundaries and forge a new way, for as long or as short a time as we have left. 

I’d like to share with you again a Hebrew song from Kol Nidre, a holy of holy nights where all the individuals in the community together release unmet expectations, forgive broken promises, and start over completely. It has just two lines:

Kol ha-olam kulo gesher tzar m’od 
V’ha-ikkar lo l’faheid k’lal

The first line translates as:

“The whole world is a very narrow bridge.” 

We are being slapped in the face with this reality right now. The entire world is a very narrow bridge. Everything can and will be taken away from us. Eventually, what we have left is the spirit of who we really are—the pure essence only–and absolutely nothing else. This is nature. This is the existence we know. 

We can’t stop at just the awareness of the narrow bridge though! Stopping here has caused, at least in my lineage, chronic anxiety, worry, and fear for generations, a collective PTSD from a long history of sudden loss. No, we must absolutely remember the second half:

“The essential thing is not to fear at all.”


Feeling all the feelings, even and especially the grief and the fear.

Letting those feelings pass and moving forward.

Knowing necessity to be the mother of invention and finding creative solutions.

Taking the next right step in the direction of wellness and peace.

Changing alongside with change.

So yes, nothing feels secure. But what if we could dance across that narrow bridge anyway? I’ll do a little hip shimmy, maybe you’ll do the cha-cha. Both of us with our eyes wide open, balancing on one foot, then the next.

Fear, I see you! Fear, I hear you! Thank you. You remind me: I am choosing Love.


PS-I’ve been feeling called to write more in these times of isolation, so please do share this sign-up link with friends and family who may need some alternative messages coming into their inbox.  

PPS- I also write about this song in my early motherhood memoir of anxiety and personal growth, if you’re looking for reading material. 

Coronavirus: The Teacher

Friends, we’ve been living like automatons in systems we expected to function like clockwork, and the illusion is breaking loose right now. There is a lot of anxiety about change, death, losing loved ones before we had more time with them, being bereft of resources and assistance when we need it most. Fear, grief, and a control pattern that is the hallmark of the modern western world is being played out on the big stage right now. There is so much to learn here.

The mind wants to understand, and when it can’t, it seeks to control. That’s OK, it’s just what the mind does. Fortunately, we don’t have to base our command center in the intellect. Here are a few opportunities my heart sees coming along with death, loss, health and mental health crises, quarantines, cancellations, and financial meltdowns:

Interpersonal Courage

Whenever things seem uncertain and falling apart, it’s a perfect time to clean up your side of any relationship messes. There’s a process to this, of course, and support if you need it. But the gist is this: Do what you need to do, and say what you need to say. It’s so important to feel at peace in your own heart, knowing you did what you could do. From my experience working with the dying and terminally ill, I can tell you this: forgiveness is medicine for humans facing their mortality. Forgiveness can mean setting boundaries, ending relationships, and/or re-connection–whatever happens, the past is accepted and left in the past. What’s most important is clearing the mental, emotional, and energetic space inside so there’s room for more love. We all take our leave of this life eventually, though I am not bringing this up because I think we are all going down with the ship today. I am saying this because this is the healthiest way I know how to live what days we have left here with each other.

Adaptability with Generosity

Louise Liller, one of the most adaptable, generous people I know, recently wrote: “There are things we do for ourselves, and there are things we do because we live in community with other people. We wash our hands, not only for ourselves, but for others who may have weakened immune systems. I wash my hands for my friend who just had cancer removed from her brain. I wash my hands for my teacher who is in a coma and has pneumonia. I wash my hands for my childhood friend who was born with a genetic disorder that affected her lungs. I wash my hands because I care about other people.” There are easy changes we can all make to help one another. Washing hands, not taking all the supplies in the grocery store, calling elderly friends and anyone who already lives in too much isolation, just to lend a hand or let them know we care: this we can do.

Appreciation Celebration 

When the unknown threatens to break you, a little appreciation celebration may lift and strengthen your spirits—even if you are the only attendee. For me, this often looks like building a fire, beating a drum, singing and dancing, sharing some good news with my main support people, going for as long a hike as possible, or just checking out a flower. 

Dearest fellow humans, we are in this together. The way we’ve been living has caused us to forget how much we depend on nature, and how much we depend on each other too. Maybe now we can remember.

With the kind of hug who knows you’re in there,

For some comfort in the storm, sign up for my mailing list.

PS-If you need help releasing stress and finding your center again, please reach out to me or to someone else you feel comfortable with. In addition to weekly and biweekly holistic psychotherapy, I also offer healing sessions with guided meditation, sound, and movement both in-person and remotely. Regular emotional release is like drinking water for your body. Our feeling bodies need the flow of emotion coming through. For me, this work is best done through the physical body, with the spirit. 

Building immunity to the worry virus

Nearly everyone I talk to these days is feeling more anxious than usual, and what’s “usual” now is already a state of mild tension. Worry is highly contagious, and while the gentle souls with sensitive nervous systems are particularly at risk, most people are at least slightly vulnerable. Worry is not just a side effect of what’s going on in this world. Worry itself causes all kinds of health, mental health, relationship, and financial breakdowns. I am not suggesting you start worrying about how much you worry! But it’s time we start talking about the importance of clearing out the junk in our minds and creating health and balance there instead.

When bad things happen, and those bad things threaten to become more powerful, it’s tempting to go into major contraction, to hunker down and hope to be spared. But we all got on this roller coaster ride of life, and we all know being born means someday dying. So how do you want to be while you’re here in these times of uncertainty? How do you want to live this? If you don’t want worry to steal your joy, it’s essential to build immunity with embodied practice and mind-style change.

The first and most obvious preventative measure is to take in only as much information as you need to make good, practical decisions, and then sign off. Beyond this primary discipline, here are a few reminders for immunity-boosting:

(1) Regularly check on the state of your nervous system. Is your fight or flight switch stuck in the “on” position? If so, turn it off. Keeping that switch on when there is no immediate, present danger is like leaving the lights on in your house when you leave. The lightbulbs will eventually burn out, and you’ll have wasted a lot of energy. Just imagining the switch-off is sometimes enough; other times breathwork paired with intention will do the trick. If you don’t know how to meditate or ground yourself, it’s easy to learn. Just google or reach out for individual guidance. (Side note: for maintenance, no fancy therapy can replace the essentials of movement, rest, digestion, and touch.) 

(2) When worry takes hold after hearing about an epidemic, violent shooting, natural disaster, politics, or something in your personal life, make two lists: What I Can Do and Out of My Hands. Now you’ve got a To-Do list to act on and probably a much longer list you can happily be freed from. I personally feel such sweet relief when I catch a thought about something I can’t control and say to myself, “Thank goodness I don’t have to worry anymore.” On a related note, if you experienced trauma or negative conditioning from institutionalized religion, and it’s turned you off to the concept of prayer, maybe it’s time to reclaim your own connection to everything you can’t understand or control. Prayer doesn’t mean you need to believe in some kind of man in the sky or creed. Prayer can be the act of humbly recognizing you are but one small being in this unfathomable universe, affirming to yourself, “It’s OK. I can not fix this.” Afterwards, turn your attention to bodily sensations and your environment in present time. This is where the real action is taking place. Worry is always a game of negative make-believe.

(3) If you have any subconscious or conscious belief that worry is keeping you safe, question it. Have the bad things that happened to you been things you worried about beforehand? If so, how did that worry protect you when they happened? Who would you be without worry? When the analysis paralysis of those questions tires you, go have some fun. The best remedy for too much seriousness is some absolutely nonproductive, only-for-the-joy-of-it playtime. Tragedy desperately needs its comedy. 

Collectively, we are experiencing a flare-up of an already chronically inflamed condition. We are not the only people in history to go through turbulent times, but modern Western society has left many feeling separate and alone. We have the opportunity now to reconnect, to remember the preciousness of this short life, our loved ones, and all the many luxuries we have taken for granted. The harder it gets out there, the more softening we need with each other. You can make a difference for yourself and everyone around you. People with courage and calm nervous systems are medicine for this crazy world. 

Wishing you a total overflow of soothing relaxation and ease,


Sign up here to receive monthly reflections on community healing and self-empowerment.
PS–If you’re ready to set some boundaries with anxiety and worry, you can check out my holistic psychotherapy for women. Some clients come weekly, while others space out our sessions and do self-help practice in between. If I’m not the right fit for you, there are many other healers out there. What matters more than any particular certification is that you feel like you can be yourself in their presence. So if you haven’t found that support yet, don’t give up! Sometimes it just takes a little while.

PPS–Dearest Community Wellness Hour participants, CWH has been put on pause for a short time, as AOMA is following certain preventative guidelines recommended for healthcare organizations. I’ll be updating you on my newsletter as soon as we resume, but if you have other questions, please contact AOMA directly or check their website. My colleagues and I began this project three years ago in response to large-scale crises and rising levels of stress, so please know, we are committed to this community healing work. This is not the end; it is only a pause, or as I like to see it, a time to be reborn.

Taking the Blame vs Taking Responsibility

Are you pretty hard on yourself? In my experience, when something goes awry, some tend towards blaming external circumstances and other people, while others almost always point the finger inwards. If you are one of the latter, you may have been taking the blame for long enough, and perhaps it’s time to take responsibility instead.

Here’s the difference, as I see it:

Let’s suppose there is a conflict, a misunderstanding, or some kind of big interpersonal mess. When we take the blame, we are saying, “Oh no, I’ve done something wrong. It’s all my fault. I messed up, of course I did.” That litany can go on and on, all with the purpose of self-flagellation. The result? Feeling crappy about yourself and stockpiling reasons why you’re not a good person. 

Now take this same conflict, and instead of taking the blame, take responsibility for your part (and your part only). This looks more like, “Oh wow. I missed the mark there, and I am going to look at this further so I can make amends, starting from where we are now.” When you take responsibility, you acknowledge where you made a mistake, and you don’t beat yourself up because you know you are human, we all make mistakes, and you want to do better next time. It’s the difference between using what happens in life to prove you’re unworthy and using what happens in life to learn and move forward. The only way to make that shift, in my experience, is to develop a true friendship with yourself. One where you look in the mirror and say, “Hey, I really like hanging out with you all the time. You understand me even when no one else does.” 

That’s also part of the difference between taking the blame and taking responsibility. It is very possible that you did something that hurt someone else, and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone at all. Both can be true—someone else is hurt AND your heart was in the right place. With clear communication and an eagle’s eye perspective, we can see where we went off course and take correction for next time. We can ask forgiveness and know we are worthy of it, even if we don’t receive it from anyone but ourselves. And if someone is angry at you for more than what you actually did, maybe you don’t have to take the blame, and you can still have compassion for what they’ve been through. 

As I’m getting to know the amazing women in the release and empower groups (only one spot left, but you have to register before Sunday!), the question on my heart is “What happens when nice girls find their strength?” I’m not at all an advocate of becoming cold or uncaring. Considering other people’s feelings is essential to the entire world’s well-being. But many of us will break out of our shells and have SO much more to offer when we care a little less about what other people think. When you love yourself, you can clean up the messes you make instead of collapsing in them. You can hold others accountable for their parts without blaming either one of you. You can be a true friend to yourself no matter what happens next.

I hope this message speaks to you in some way that is helpful. If it doesn’t, I hope you send it straight to the trash without a second glance. Maybe this message wasn’t meant for you; maybe someone else needed to hear it instead. You get to decide what you allow in. I honor your truth, and I sincerely thank you for honoring mine.

May your heart simply overflow with compassion for yourself, and for everyone else in this crazy human existence,


Who do you want to be in the chaos?

Lately, I’ve been sitting with this question. I started contemplating it when a series of events involving structures crumbling, health breakdowns, and fallen leadership occurred in my personal life within the span of a few days. There’s nothing particularly unusual about this kind of chaos right now. The disruptive energy of change is here. There is no avoiding it. When everything starts falling apart at once, my automatic response is multi-tasking, over-helping, and overdrive. But that sort of high-speed crisis management is not really the best I have to offer, and I’ve been learning how to consciously shift out of that pattern more quickly. It’s actually not who I want to be in the chaos. 

I was sitting in the silence of Community Wellness Hour a few Wednesdays ago when the answer to my question came.

It was a tree.

A huge redwood tree, rooted in the mountains for more than a hundred years, reaching into the sky with branches that dance in even the strongest wind. 

But that’s not it!

Also a bird in that tree.

A bird like an eagle, or perhaps a phoenix. A bird who soars above, seeing what only one with such freedom and perspective can see.


A nest for that bird in that tree, made out of what is available. Holding what is most precious.

A safe place for the vulnerable growing strong.

There’s a whole lot going on out there, and in here. Change, especially big change, is messy. And change at a large scale is kind of terrifying. When the structures, the leadership, and the systems fall apart, as far as I can see, there is only one way to turn: inside and to each other.

This is exactly why I started the women’s release and empower group. If we don’t give ourselves permission and space to release the stress that builds up, no one will. We have to move through the chaos we’re absorbing so we can be strong, clear, and wise when we need to be. No one–no therapist, no doctor, no teacher, no guru–can do this for you. They can guide you on the path, but only you can walk it. We need to do our own self-healing work, and we do it best when we’re together. Only then can we show up with the kind of loving presence and courage that is needed in this crazy world.

One thing I know for sure: everything can fall apart, and you can still have your heart. There are a thousand examples of this. Take Victor Frankl of Man’s Search for Meaning or Anita Moorjani of Dying To Be Me. Take every brave person who keeps their compassion at a job in the hospital, the prison, the social service agency, the shelter, or the walk-in clinic. A holy mess is happening, and it may become the norm for periods of time. So I ask you, who do you want to be in the chaos? We are all needed here.

With so much faith in you,


PS– Let me know soon if you’re interested in joining us this winter/spring for Release & Empower! There are only a few spots left, and the early bird registration discount ends January 10th. We’re looking for women who do a lot of caregiving at work or at home, women who are good at doing what needs to be done but who need more healthy release in their lives! This season, the group meets Thursday evenings in south Austin. It will be a beautiful way to start the new year with intention and care. Details here!