Is it just me, or does it feel like the phrase “impostor syndrome” is getting confused and over-used? To clarify, I want to explore what it’s like to feel like you’re faking it. Maybe people assume you know what you’re doing, but you secretly fear that you don’t. 

First Things First: Being New is Normal

If you’re new at whatever you’re doing and feel like an impostor, then you’re probably an honest person on the right track. When we’re first learning anything, it’s all skills practice. We follow what we’ve been taught and practice the tools handed down by those more experienced than us. Over time, we integrate what we’ve learned into our own personality and style until it becomes our own. Everybody gets there by mucking it up along the way. 

Impostor Syndrome is for Everyone

Impostor syndrome doesn’t just affect newbies though. Everyone has days or weeks, even years, where they’re just off. Sometimes it may feel like we’re acting out an old version of ourselves; the autopilot works but doesn’t feel true. Certainly deeper inquiries deserve attention here, but growth isn’t only about change. Growth is also accepting the impostor feeling when it arises, without analysis. Winging it with whatever we’ve got, it’s possible to even enjoy wondering and wandering for a while.

Feedback Isn’t All It’s Cracked Up to Be

Sometimes we may feel like a fraud because of our collective infatuation with feedback. Likes, followers, comments, shares–maybe these forms of acknowledgment boost self-esteem for a moment when we get them, but they’re always fleeting. Does all this feedback (or obvious lack thereof) really help us? One might wonder if it actually keeps us more distracted by how we appear to others, rather than helping us cultivate and honor what’s true inside.

The “What Other People Think Of Me” Trap

Taking it a step further, whose opinion really matters so much anyway? Aren’t we all just people? We’re born innocent and fragile, and we die when our time comes. All the external standards of how a professional, parent, or person are supposed to be are culturally determined, a passing trend in a long history of changing expectations. What’s “best” is always evolving. When we open to healing around the ancestral and conditioned pressures to fit in, trying to measure up becomes less compelling.

The Five Stars We Really Need

It’s not about being a competent professional, a good mom, a successful entrepreneur, or a happy person anyway. It’s not about the roles we play or what we seem like to others at all. It’s about what we’re genuinely sharing. We can decide our current best is good enough–not because it’s the best ever, but because it’s ours. We need our own approval, a five star “I see what you’re doing and how you’re growing, and I think it’s awesome” rating. We won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. But that’s OK, there are plenty of other teas to drink.

The truth is you can only be an impostor if you’re trying to be something you’re not. Rather than trying to impersonate your best self, what if you had radical permission to exist and be? We’re all just learning and living here anyway, might as well go a little easy on ourselves and each other.

With love,

Julia Aziz

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PS–If you’re needing support to go deeper as you unwind patterns of feeling inauthentic and not enough, please do check out my individual counseling services and the women’s group program.