Do you ever feel upset at people for asking too much, but you keep those feelings to yourself and do what they ask anyway?

Do you procrastinate what’s important to you while continuing to meet others’ expectations?

Do you sometimes feel unseen and taken for granted?

Maybe when you were young, you felt all the feelings in a room, and you took on the responsibility of making everyone else feel comfortable. Maybe you found security in caretaking those whose needs seemed to loom larger than your own. Now mind you, these aren’t bad tendencies; our society as a whole sure could use more sensitivity and caring about each others’ feelings! But when caring becomes people pleasing, it gets out of balance, becomes inauthentic, and can result in major burnout when one person is doing all the accommodating. So how do we unlearn the old patterns while holding onto our hearts?

In my experience, people who were conditioned to center their orbit around others often need more permission to value themselves. I’m actually not talking about putting on your own oxygen mask first or any other “me first”. “Me first” can get just as unbalanced as the “you first” culture of helpers and caregivers. You don’t have to stop caring for others; you can include yourself amongst the people you care for. If we become part of the “us,” it’s not about my needs vs. your needs. It’s about expanding the heart space for all. 

Like trees in the forest, we grow best as humans in community. Together, we re-discover our resilience and the healer within who knows just what to do.

Grateful to be in connection with you,

Julia Aziz

*The challenge of shifting from “you” to “us” is that past conditioning can have quite a stronghold, especially when old triggers persist and new patterns aren’t yet firmly rooted. That’s why making changes alongside other people is so effective. Just like you might go to a fitness class if you were trying to get in better shape physically, if you’re unlearning people pleasing, perfectionism, overdoing, and other accommodating patterns that lead to burnout, a group program like the Release & Empower Women’s Circle can support a real shift. More details on our next season can be found here.

Sign up for my mailing list if you’d like to explore similar topics together in the future.

Image by Rosy from Pixabay