Self-Healing and Self-Care

Quiet, cared for, and free

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

I’m on my way out for a solo retreat this weekend. I’ve been going to the same place every year since I turned 40. It’s a perfect setting because there are hardly any other guests around, and I get to enjoy delicious homemade meals without having to cook.

When I was younger and lived alone with much more time to myself, I still went on my own retreats. Back then, I would instill the self-discipline of fasting, meditation, prayer, yoga, and so on. This stage in my life is different though, with three kids, teaching, and a private practice. More than spiritual discipline, my soul longs for a respite from routine, responsibility, and technology. My solo weekend is about unwinding and re-wilding now, following natural impulses to do whatever I feel like doing in the moment. Usually, that means I spend a lot of time sleeping. Last year, I counted and actually napped five times in a day, while still going to bed early. I also wander the hills, read a lot, and write in my journal on and off all day. Then take another nap.

Have you noticed how restorative it feels to turn off devices, schedule nothing, see no one, and go nowhere? If you haven’t had a day like this in a while, I highly recommend it. These open-ended solo retreats with all my needs taken care of and no striving for anything have been just as profoundly healing as the time I’ve spent in spiritual intensives with masterful teachers. Living in a city in this busy middle phase of life, what brings me back to who I really am is… a whole lot of nothing at all. 

Solitude isn’t all blissful refuge though. All kinds of feelings arise in spaces without distraction. For me, the quiet usually brings deep emotional release and a reckoning with any uncomfortable truths that currently need facing. Next weekend, I’ll be hosting sixty friends and family for my son’s coming of age ceremony, so some centering beforehand seems like good timing.

Silence, nature, nourishment, freedom. It’s a simple recipe, but it takes some prioritizing and commitment to gather the ingredients. It requires turning away from a culture that says, “Keep going! There’s more to do! People need you!” All that is never going to stop. So I have to. 

I know this kind of quiet retreat isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but I hope you too gift yourself lavishly with whatever fills you up and speaks to your soul. The more people taking care of themselves on this planet, the better off we’ll all be when we get back together! 

Hope you have a lovely weekend wherever you are,

Julia Aziz

PS- No time to get away? Here’s a few simple practices to replenish and love yourself anywhere, anytime.

The Mirror

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

Yesterday morning, I saw an older woman crying on the trail. I put a hand over my heart as we passed, and we looked into each other’s eyes, just briefly. I saw her, and she acknowledged that seeing. My chest filled, and tears came to my eyes. I have been that woman crying on the trail. It’s not so easy to be seen when you’re in pain.

This is a healing time for many. In my experience doing my own healing work and holding space for others, the difference between re-wounding and healing is in the safe, loving container. To be in a place where you can feel it all–the shock, the panic, the rage, the terror, the helplessness, the numbness–to feel into the darkness, but present in the body, supported by a deeply compassionate container that sees and honors your true essence–that is healing work. There are many resources available, and if you’re having trouble finding some, please ask for help. If you’re going solo on this leg of the journey, I hope you are creating that space for yourself and finding those resources within.

I see this as a real time for self-reflection. We each are coming from different realities, so we have different questions to ask ourselves. Here are some of mine:

42917423_10215815937822808_89046294227582976_nWhere have I blamed myself for situations that were out of my control so I wouldn’t have to feel vulnerable?

Where have I felt a boundary be crossed without saying anything?

Where have I misused power myself?

How can I contribute more to our collective healing?

Self-awareness is a key not often used. It opens the door to vulnerable conversation. It allows me to see you, instead of just seeing a reflection of myself.

Whoever you are, whatever you’re going through, I hope you face and embrace the person you see in the mirror. That you ask the hard questions and say to yourself, “I am with you every step of the way.”

May we come into our true alignment with healing and integrity.

With love,

Julia Aziz

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Beyond Self-Care

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

Self-care isn’t just a yoga class you take twice a week or the beach vacation you plan with girlfriends. Those things are wonderful, perhaps essential. But do you ever deeply relax for a few days only to return to your previous state of tension within hours of resuming the regular routine?

We need more than just the pleasurable, nourishing activities we do to recharge. Beyond self-care is self-love. Self-love is the way you talk to yourself on your roughest days and the permission you give to feel your emotions in full color. It’s saying no when you don’t feel like saying yes, and it’s forgiving yourself when things don’t work out the way you intended. Shifting your self-talk is a bit trickier than scheduling a massage, but the effects can be profound.

When I’m struggling, one of the practices I find most useful is talking to myself. It’s pretty easy to do in public these days—I just put on a pair of headphones and pretend I’m talking on the phone. I’ll take a walk in the neighborhood and ask myself questions like:

“How are you feeling, love?”

“What do you need, sweetie?”

And then I let my inner wounded one speak. I tell the story as long as I feel I need to tell it, and then wait for a response. Sometimes it helps to ask the question:

“What does my heart say?”

And when I let my heart speak, she usually says things like,

“Yeah, that was really hard for you. Of course you’re feeling sad right now.” 

Or, “I love you, dear one. I am with you no matter what.”

It works. I know it sounds a little silly, but hey, what’s wrong with silly? We have conversations in our heads all day long. This is about purposefully choosing the conversation you want to have.

To hear more ideas about going beyond self-care, check out my recent podcast conversation with Erica Blocker.

MWD 127 Julia Aziz

If you’re not a mom (or if you are a mom but you just don’t have space to listen today) click here for a few free simple, easy acts of self-love you can do for yourself anywhere, anytime.

With you on the journey,

Julia Aziz