Difficult Emotions

On falling apart and getting back up again

/ Julia Aziz / 2 Comments

We are moving through the Days of Awe in the Jewish tradition this week, a deeply reflective time that starts with an autumnal new year and ends with a holy day of fasting, accountability, and forgiveness. In this ten day period, each member of the community is asked to own up to the ways in which they have become out of alignment with what is true and loving. No one is exempt from this process, for it is understood that being a human being means wanting to do better and failing often. Throughout the High Holy Days, we speak aloud the many ways we have fallen off track, from being greedy and inconsiderate to talking unkindly behind someone’s back to not speaking up against injustice. Now, you might be thinking this is a big “oh, how guilty am I” vortex. But it’s really not. It’s not about self-hate; it’s about acknowledging human frailty, taking corrective action, and recovering our true essence again. 

It’s pretty easy to fall into burnout these days, to feel worn down and hopeless by the devastation and strife. Instead of resisting the call of grief, rage, and unresolved pain, these holidays remind us of the importance of safe spaces to feel. In a lovingly held container, we can be honest with ourselves about the hurt we have caused and the hurt we have incurred; we can shed the tears that have been held back day after day; we can give voice to how we participate in our own destruction. And then we look around and see how it’s not just us; everyone else is in this struggle too. So we dry our tears, stand on our own two feet again, and say, “Ok, this isn’t good. What can I do to make it better?”

Making amends is a centerpiece, the call to action during the Days of Awe. Sometimes there isn’t anything you can do to directly make things better, but when there is, you are asked to do that hard thing. When there’s no way to make amends directly, there’s almost always a way to pay it forward or to do some good in counterbalance. Most importantly, whatever action is called for, forgiveness is the way forward. After feeling the pain, owning what’s not working, and doing what can be done, the community together claims a fresh start. All old promises, broken vows, and missed chances are made null and void in one fell swoop. Clearing the past makes room for new intentions. We know we will fall down again, but this does not excuse us from getting back up. Perhaps what is most brave about humans is the way we start over after feeling like all hope was lost. We say, “I am going to do my best, again.”

It will always be enough. 

If you don’t yet have a place you regularly go to safely unravel, I highly recommend finding one soon. We must build emotional and spiritual strength to face these next few months and whatever they bring. We absolutely can’t wait on the world to get better so we can feel better. Things are likely to become even more strained in this country, and we need the ones who care to be as powerfully connected and emboldened for the good as possible. That inner strength is very hard to find without a safe place to feel how it’s all affecting our own sensitive nervous systems. If you haven’t checked it out yet, our women’s group still has openings. This is a place women grieve, rage, fear, feel… and then we dust off, re-center, and re-align with what we know to be true, a wholeness that no one can take from us. A weekly mini-retreat like this may not change the world, but the people who are replenishing their spirits in this and other ways are the only ones who can, together.

Together, we grieve. Together, we work towards the best we can imagine, each bringing our own gifts to the table, at our own pace. I want to hear your best ideas and what you’re willing to let go of to know more peace. It’s OK to mess up, and it’s OK to hurt. When we feel it and own it, we can make changes, accept, and move forward. You are good enough, my friend. You’re here, and the people before you who had to survive many hardships for you to be here tell me: your existence is a miracle. How will you live it?

Wishing you kindness towards the struggle, and a new beginning each and every day, 

Julia Aziz

PS–If you’re giving a lot of energy and attention to other people or to the world in general, I’d love to support you in making space for your own emotional release and spiritual renewal. Here’s a recent comment about Release & Empower from FB: “It’s absolutely phenomenal! I highly recommend it to anyone who is considering. You will find yourself saying, “This is exactly what I needed!” If you can’t join the group, but you know you need help making space to feel, here’s a little book to support you: When You’re Having A Hard Time: The Little Book That Listens.

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How we are with each other

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Sixteen years ago, I worked as a counselor for a nonprofit that was run by the consensus process. When I first started there, I was so excited. I envisioned a place where everyone’s voice was heard and counted equally, a highly evolved and cooperative utopia. The reality, however, was more challenging. Everyone’s voice was certainly heard, but often for long, drawn out meetings. Minor decisions had to be debated and postponed week after week until an agreement could be reached. As we know, opinions don’t change easily. Sharing new ideas doesn’t mean other people will be receptive to them. And if everybody’s talking, who is there to listen? 

I learned a lot from participating in the consensus process, and while I still deeply respect the model, I realized I don’t have the inner patience for it. Hearing too many opinions drains my compassion. My favorite way of being in community is more nonverbal. Some years before that nonprofit job, during a work exchange at a yoga retreat center, I had my first experience of group sharing without cross-talk. Being together in silence, owning our experiences, and sharing without the interference of others’ judgments was a relief and a revelation. Not only did we leave those meetings more centered and connected, making clear choices came easier too.  

It’s tricky, interacting with other people these days. It’s hard not to get pulled into a downward spiral of how terrible everything is and what should or shouldn’t be happening. Sure, it can be interesting to hear what you think about it all, but what I really want to know is, what is giving you strength each day? How are you keeping your heart open? In today’s world, where so little is actually known or understood, opinions feel even less compelling to me. I wonder more what changes are growing in you.

As a dear friend said to me yesterday, it’s compost time. If triggering information and opinions are going to keep coming in, all that heavy mental-emotional energy needs to be regularly let out. I’ve been hearing people say that everyone is going to need therapy when this is all over, as if mental health is something we can put on hold to deal with on some future, easier day. Mental health is not a matter of keeping it all together until the outside world improves. Let’s please not hold our breaths like that. There’s another way, one that has been around much longer than modern psychology or colonialist times. We can ritually call in, feel, and release the strong and messy feelings on purpose. When we do this letting go together in a protected and loving container, the relief is exponential. We can find both our own hearts and each other again. 

No matter what is lost, no matter what comes next, I am grateful to be moving through change with you.

With care,

Julia Aziz

PS- I’ve been studying different holistic helping modalities for many years now, and I still find profound worth in the most simple practice of being quiet together in community, listening to each other and witnessing without offering opinions. As many of you know, we do this type of sharing at the end of the Release & Empower Women’s Group Program. The experience is not passively receiving information staring at yet another screen in a webinar; it’s being together in privacy at home, actively letting stuck energies move through the mind, body, and heart without advice or judgments getting in the way. It’s designed for helping professionals, moms, and other emotional caregivers who often hold themselves together in service to others. Check it out if that sounds nourishing to you!

Note: If you’re really struggling with mental health right now and feel at the verge of a breakdown, the group program will not be sufficient nor appropriate. If you don’t know where to turn, try a 24/7 free crisis call and text hotline that can connect you with good and local support. Help is available, and I encourage you to receive it when you need it! 

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When the way out is through

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I think I’m done with “How are you?” as a casual way of greeting someone when we’re passing by. It seems like that phrase should be reserved for when we are truly wanting to sit down and listen to one another. I’ve never figured out how to give an authentically brief answer, and what a loaded question these days!

Some serious collective shadow work is being done by and through us now. When I say “shadow work,” I mean facing the parts of ourselves we’ve disowned or pretended didn’t exist, both on an individual level and a systemic one. My true essence, like yours, is love. Also, there are times I have been inconsiderate, pushy, dismissive, greedy, stubborn… all the painful things humans can be. These shadow parts need compassionate attention, for they come out in deadly ways when ignored or denied. When anger is safely raged, felt, and released, it can become empowerment, a clarifying of needed boundaries. Unworthiness and guilt, when spoken and cared for, can lead to making amends and a renewed sense of purpose. Like brushing teeth, there will always be shadow work to do. When we learn to navigate the intensity within ourselves though, we can show up to the intensity out there with more accountability, courage, and love. 

I just finished reading The Shift, a nurse’s memoir I had borrowed from the library right before all the libraries closed down. In it, the author talks about how important it is in medicine to “get ahead of the pain,” i.e. take pain killers before the discomfort becomes overwhelming. I think, when it comes to emotional health and personal accountability, most of us need to slow down and not get so far ahead of the pain. It’s healthy to learn how to be with discomfort. It’s important to feel the emotional distress hidden beneath layers of control and conditioning. We’ve been issued a grand invitation now to let the tears come and rail at the heavens, to enter a holy rage and a holy grief. 

I won’t presume to know what your shadow work is. There are a lot of different people reading this, and we each have our own curriculum here in earth school. There is a whole lot of learning happening right now though. My own recent shadow work is calling me to speak up more in the face of ignorance, do more conscious retraining of my racial biases, educate my children better, and make a more purposeful effort to support and connect with diverse communities. This is just a start, as it takes time and perseverance for fundamental shifts to happen, whether it’s on the individual or systemic level. What gives me hope is the accelerated change we’re in now. As the colonialist, racist, sexist, materialist, arrogant beyond all measure empire implodes, a whole new way of being together can finally emerge.

The phoenix of a new day rises from the ashes of the one before. Instead of “Hi! How are you?” I think I prefer the older language greetings, like “Namaste” where you look for the light in another person or “Shalom” where the hello and goodbye is peace. I hope to meet you heart-to-heart. I want you to know, whoever you are reading this, I am grateful to be in connection with you. I thank you for doing your inner and outer work and for resting and taking care of yourself too. These are intense times. I believe in us. Thank you for being here!

With love and humility,

Julia Aziz

A few offerings to support you:

A few of many ways to help our human family:

When people feel and think differently than you

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We’re having different experiences of what’s happening, and it’s causing some highly volatile emotional weather out there. Clearly we are not all in the same health/economic/job/home/legal status/mental health situation, but also we process and adapt differently. I’ve shifted in my understanding a lot recently, often after reading or talking to someone with a viewpoint I hadn’t considered. It’s a good thing, different voices. It’s also easy to get pulled into an emotional landmine you didn’t mean to step in. 

I’m seeing people volunteering to help and coming together, but I’m also seeing a lot of judgment, blaming, and shaming going on. Whether it’s a loved one who isn’t being as sensitive as they could or a “look on the bright side” post that hits a nerve, it’s a triggering environment. So what do we do with all this activation?

Well, first off, we know it’s often best to step away and not communicate with anyone for a bit. I am mom to three children, so trust me, I know that kind of hermitage is not always possible! Taking recovery time before responding is key though. So is remembering that while we may be triggered, it doesn’t mean someone is to blame. If we feel riled up, it is our responsibility to feel, soothe, and care for ourselves in this vulnerability. It is not within our wheelhouse to change anyone else’s mind or fix the way others feel.

If self-soothing isn’t your MO and you often harshly judge yourself, I recommend placing a hand on your heart and trying out some of these phrases when you feel the trigger coming on:

I love you, and I know you’re doing the best you can. 

I am here for you every step of the way. 

I know this has been really hard for you, and I am so proud of you. 

This is a humbling time. None of us have all the answers. Good news is: none of us ever did! Giving up the attempt to control, surrendering to “I don’t know,” making space for all the feelings to be felt, allowing others that space as well—this is what we can do for ourselves and for each other emotionally. 

It’s OK if you’re scared right now. It’s OK if you’re thriving and empowered. It’s OK if you’re furious. It’s OK if you’re despairing. It’s OK to have all these emotions and more in the span of one hour. There is plenty of space for feelings to be owned, felt, and transformed.

I wish you so much gentleness from your own heart. The more you take care of your own well-being, the better all our interactions are. We can do this, together. 

xoxo
Julia Aziz

PS–If you’d like further support, please sign up for my newsletter or check out my services here.

Wisdom From Those That Came Before Us

/ Julia Aziz / 1 Comment

I don’t know who wants to hear this right now, but I hope you will share this with anyone who needs it. I promise you, there are people you love out there right now who are scared, and they don’t feel like they can talk to anyone about what they are truly afraid of. You probably also have loved ones in high risk groups who are not afraid and who are ready to talk, but they may be quite lonely because no one will listen. 

As many of you know, I used to work as a hospice chaplain, visiting people in their final months, weeks, days, and hours, as well as sitting and praying at the deathbed after a loved one’s passing. I’ve had terrifying experiences as well as profoundly blissful ones, but every single encounter with death has been humbling. There were times I felt the pull of dark energies nearby and times I was floating in bottomless peace. Yet one of the most important insights that came from those families I had the honor to witness and care about was this: much of the fear of death is really a fear of grief. 

Where there is love, there is loss. Where there is loss, there is love. This is what it means to be a human being. This is what we signed up for. There is no need to wait until you or your loved one or the whole world is in crisis. Healing can happen now. Maybe not curing, but real healing. We can forgive ourselves, we can reach out and protect each other, we can draw boundaries and forge a new way, for as long or as short a time as we have left. 

I’d like to share with you again a Hebrew song from Kol Nidre, a holy of holy nights where all the individuals in the community together release unmet expectations, forgive broken promises, and start over completely. It has just two lines:

Kol ha-olam kulo gesher tzar m’od 
V’ha-ikkar lo l’faheid k’lal

The first line translates as:

“The whole world is a very narrow bridge.” 

We are being slapped in the face with this reality right now. The entire world is a very narrow bridge. Everything can and will be taken away from us. Eventually, what we have left is the spirit of who we really are—the pure essence only–and absolutely nothing else. This is nature. This is the existence we know. 

We can’t stop at just the awareness of the narrow bridge though! Stopping here has caused, at least in my lineage, chronic anxiety, worry, and fear for generations, a collective PTSD from a long history of sudden loss. No, we must absolutely remember the second half:

“The essential thing is not to fear at all.”

Courage. 

Feeling all the feelings, even and especially the grief and the fear.

Letting those feelings pass and moving forward.

Knowing necessity to be the mother of invention and finding creative solutions.

Taking the next right step in the direction of wellness and peace.

Changing alongside with change.

So yes, nothing feels secure. But what if we could dance across that narrow bridge anyway? I’ll do a little hip shimmy, maybe you’ll do the cha-cha. Both of us with our eyes wide open, balancing on one foot, then the next.

Fear, I see you! Fear, I hear you! Thank you. You remind me: I am choosing Love.

Always,
Julia Aziz

PS-I’ve been feeling called to write more in these times of isolation, so please do share this sign-up link with friends and family who may need some alternative messages coming into their inbox.  

PPS- I also write about this song in my early motherhood memoir of anxiety and personal growth, if you’re looking for reading material. 

Building immunity to the worry virus

/ Julia Aziz / 1 Comment

Nearly everyone I talk to these days is feeling more anxious than usual, and what’s “usual” now is already a state of mild tension. Worry is highly contagious, and while the gentle souls with sensitive nervous systems are particularly at risk, most people are at least slightly vulnerable. Worry is not just a side effect of what’s going on in this world. Worry itself causes all kinds of health, mental health, relationship, and financial breakdowns. I am not suggesting you start worrying about how much you worry! But it’s time we start talking about the importance of clearing out the junk in our minds and creating health and balance there instead.

When bad things happen, and those bad things threaten to become more powerful, it’s tempting to go into major contraction, to hunker down and hope to be spared. But we all got on this roller coaster ride of life, and we all know being born means someday dying. So how do you want to be while you’re here in these times of uncertainty? How do you want to live this? If you don’t want worry to steal your joy, it’s essential to build immunity with embodied practice and mind-style change.

The first and most obvious preventative measure is to take in only as much information as you need to make good, practical decisions, and then sign off. Beyond this primary discipline, here are a few reminders for immunity-boosting:

(1) Regularly check on the state of your nervous system. Is your fight or flight switch stuck in the “on” position? If so, turn it off. Keeping that switch on when there is no immediate, present danger is like leaving the lights on in your house when you leave. The lightbulbs will eventually burn out, and you’ll have wasted a lot of energy. Just imagining the switch-off is sometimes enough; other times breathwork paired with intention will do the trick. If you don’t know how to meditate or ground yourself, it’s easy to learn. Just google or reach out for individual guidance. (Side note: for maintenance, no fancy therapy can replace the essentials of movement, rest, digestion, and touch.) 

(2) When worry takes hold after hearing about an epidemic, violent shooting, natural disaster, politics, or something in your personal life, make two lists: What I Can Do and Out of My Hands. Now you’ve got a To-Do list to act on and probably a much longer list you can happily be freed from. I personally feel such sweet relief when I catch a thought about something I can’t control and say to myself, “Thank goodness I don’t have to worry anymore.” On a related note, if you experienced trauma or negative conditioning from institutionalized religion, and it’s turned you off to the concept of prayer, maybe it’s time to reclaim your own connection to everything you can’t understand or control. Prayer doesn’t mean you need to believe in some kind of man in the sky or creed. Prayer can be the act of humbly recognizing you are but one small being in this unfathomable universe, affirming to yourself, “It’s OK. I can not fix this.” Afterwards, turn your attention to bodily sensations and your environment in present time. This is where the real action is taking place. Worry is always a game of negative make-believe.

(3) If you have any subconscious or conscious belief that worry is keeping you safe, question it. Have the bad things that happened to you been things you worried about beforehand? If so, how did that worry protect you when they happened? Who would you be without worry? When the analysis paralysis of those questions tires you, go have some fun. The best remedy for too much seriousness is some absolutely nonproductive, only-for-the-joy-of-it playtime. Tragedy desperately needs its comedy. 

Collectively, we are experiencing a flare-up of an already chronically inflamed condition. We are not the only people in history to go through turbulent times, but modern Western society has left many feeling separate and alone. We have the opportunity now to reconnect, to remember the preciousness of this short life, our loved ones, and all the many luxuries we have taken for granted. The harder it gets out there, the more softening we need with each other. You can make a difference for yourself and everyone around you. People with courage and calm nervous systems are medicine for this crazy world. 

Wishing you an overflow of relaxation and ease,

Julia Aziz

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PS–If you’re ready to set some boundaries with anxiety and worry, you can check out my holistic psychotherapy services or the Release & Empower Women’s Group Program. And if I’m not the right fit for you, there are many other healers out there. What matters more than any particular certification is that you feel like you can be yourself in their presence. So if you haven’t found that support yet, don’t give up! Sometimes it just takes a little while.

Taking the Blame vs Taking Responsibility

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Are you pretty hard on yourself? In my experience, when something goes awry, some tend towards blaming external circumstances and other people, while others almost always point the finger inwards. If you are one of the latter, you may have been taking the blame for long enough, and perhaps it’s time to take responsibility instead.

Here’s the difference, as I see it:

Let’s suppose there is a conflict, a misunderstanding, or some kind of big interpersonal mess. When we take the blame, we are saying, “Oh no, I’ve done something wrong. It’s all my fault. I messed up, of course I did.” That litany can go on and on, all with the purpose of self-flagellation. The result? Feeling crappy about yourself and stockpiling reasons why you’re not a good person. 

Now take this same conflict, and instead of taking the blame, take responsibility for your part (and your part only). This looks more like, “Oh wow. I missed the mark there, and I am going to look at this further so I can make amends, starting from where we are now.” When you take responsibility, you acknowledge where you made a mistake, and you don’t beat yourself up because you know you are human, we all make mistakes, and you want to do better next time. It’s the difference between using what happens in life to prove you’re unworthy and using what happens in life to learn and move forward. The only way to make that shift, in my experience, is to develop a true friendship with yourself. One where you look in the mirror and say, “Hey, I really like hanging out with you all the time. You understand me even when no one else does.” 

That’s also part of the difference between taking the blame and taking responsibility. It is very possible that you did something that hurt someone else, and you didn’t mean to hurt anyone at all. Both can be true—someone else is hurt AND your heart was in the right place. With clear communication and a wider perspective, we can see where we went off course and take correction for next time. We can ask forgiveness and know we are worthy of it, even if we don’t receive it from anyone but ourselves. And if someone is angry at you for more than what you actually did, maybe you don’t have to take the blame, and you can still have compassion for what they’ve been through. 

As I’m getting to know the amazing women in the release and empower groups, the question on my heart is “What happens when nice girls find their strength?” I’m not at all an advocate of becoming cold or uncaring. Considering other people’s feelings is essential to the entire world’s well-being. But many of us will break out of our shells and have SO much more to offer when we care a little less about what other people think. When you love yourself, you can clean up the messes you make instead of collapsing in them. You can hold others accountable for their parts without blaming either one of you. You can be a true friend to yourself no matter what happens next.

I hope this message speaks to you in some way that is helpful. If it doesn’t, I hope you send it straight to the trash without a second glance. Maybe this message wasn’t meant for you; maybe someone else needed to hear it instead. You get to decide what you allow in. I honor your truth, and I sincerely thank you for honoring mine.

May your heart overflow with compassion for yourself, and for everyone else in this crazy human existence,

Julia Aziz

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An emotional forecast for the holidays

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I’ve been getting to know Tony, our new mail carrier. Though his day job takes up most of his energy, his passion is screenwriting, and he recently enrolled in a screenwriting course at the nearby community college. His ideas are beautiful, like a Pixar version of why bad things happen to good people. What he went through as a kid made him into a mystic, and he wants to offer hope for young people that are struggling.

Tony and I originally connected because a Sports Illustrated had been mistakenly delivered to my house. I was on my way to walk it over to the neighbor’s house when I met up with him. Tony later told me he was afraid I was going to yell at him, since that was how residents often approached. He was very surprised when I came up to him with an easygoing manner, and he wanted to know why I was like that. Now the fact that friendliness is an anomaly is something to think about in and of itself. But more importantly, we’ve got to stop yelling at the mailman! I know most of you don’t, but that doesn’t mean we don’t want to. It’s not because one little problem is so awful; it’s the buildup of all the hard things. Maybe there are minor inconveniences in your daily life, but add them on to big transitions like death, divorce, job loss, breakups, miscarriage, financial crisis, natural disasters… well, eventually some of that stress explodes somewhere or makes you sick. What’s more, the holidays are approaching. Which means bells of holly and all kinds of family trauma, loneliness, grief, and the existential despair of consumerism. 

This November-December time period brings out all the emotional weather, so it’s also a season for preventative self-care. How do you maintain equilibrium when known stressors are coming? One reminder I give both myself and my clients is to make the time and space. If you need to release frustration and anger, you can go somewhere private like the parked car, and let that wild one roar! If you’re feeling frantic or trapped in a social situation, you can excuse yourself to the bathroom, and let every part of your body shake it out. If you can’t access emotions because they’ve been stuffed inside for so long, there are all kinds of strategies that can help you get things moving again. Stress release is not just about vomiting feelings. It’s having the intention to release them so you can move on.

The other factor we see coming is the tendency to overcommit and become too busy during the holiday season. It’s not the easiest time to start new programs; there’s just too much else going on. So less is more right now. At the same time, you may be feeling like you don’t want to keep playing the same dramas on repeat. The holidays often point a glaring finger at what’s not working. If you’re someone who takes care of other people’s needs a lot, the wear and tear of responsibility may be showing up, making these months feel draining and hard to enjoy. 

I don’t know about you, but as a caregiver professionally and at home, it’s just not sustainable to let stress run my life. If you already know you’re going to need some support starting over in the new year, registration is now open for the next Women’s Release & Empower Group Program. Imagine weekly mini-retreats to soothe your mind, body, and spirit after all the holiday craziness is over. Could be a gift for the new year, if you ask for it! All the details are here. 

Maybe you cherish the holidays and enjoy the generosity and celebration. Or maybe you love it AND it’s also hard for you. You don’t have to avoid or repress the painful parts to enjoy the rest. It’s possible to experience both the light and the darkness that comes with tradition, family, and wintertime. Like we do with the breath all day long, we can let it in and let it out. With plenty of forgiveness for the times when we forget, we can always start again.  

Julia Aziz

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When you’re misunderstood

/ Julia Aziz / 2 Comments

I shared in the women’s group this week about being misunderstood, how it hurts the heart but is also none of my business. If someone sees me differently than I am, I have to remember there is a character I play in their story. That character may look just like me, but I don’t know her that well. She doesn’t have much to do with the main character I play in my own narrative, the one who makes lots of mistakes but usually has pretty good intentions. It’s super important to me to clear misunderstandings with other people, but not everyone shares that value or wants to meet in that place of mutuality, the one Rumi describes as the “field beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing.” Sometimes, I have to accept that I will play the enemy in someone else’s story, no matter how hard I try to make things right. Still, I don’t have to hold a grudge just because someone holds one against me. 

We are now moving through the Days of Awe, also known as the Days of Repentance, a ten day period in the Jewish tradition of taking accountability for one’s self and asking forgiveness where we know we’ve misstepped. I love that there is community time set aside for this practice, as I can tell you especially from my work with grief and dying, that it really matters. No one likes to leave here with important things left unsaid and undone. But just because we try to make amends doesn’t mean we will be received with open arms. That’s when self-forgiveness and boundaries become so important. 

Boundaries mean we get to choose the state of our innermost being. You can offer love, but whether or not it is received isn’t your responsibility. Your greatest responsibility is to that quiet place inside your own heart. And so, even in this period of accountability, all relationships will not be healed. The messes may still be kind of messy. All we can do is clean up our own side and make sure we put out the welcome mat. 

Sometimes I make little cards out of my daughter’s old preschool paintings. Today I pulled this one:

I thank the friend who first said this to me, and I wish this self-acceptance for all of you as well. If you are coming from the heart and doing the best you can, it is most certainly enough. You have the power to forgive and to start over. No one can take that from you.

Wishing you strong and healthy relationships, especially the one you have with yourself,

Julia Aziz

PS–If you’re going through some challenging times with self-forgiveness and letting go, here are some October offerings to support you in your own growth and healing:

  • Counseling: currently a couple openings, in-person and remote options available, schedule a free inquiry call here. 
  • Changing Along With Change: Hypnotherapy for Life Transitions, a Restoring Balance Luncheon at Seton Cove on Tuesday, October 22nd
  • Community Wellness Hour at AOMA Graduate School of Integrative Medicine every Wednesday 
  • The Women’s Release & Empower Group is currently full and closed for the fall, but a new group will be starting in late January. Check my website for more details. 

When you let it all in

/ Julia Aziz / Leave a comment

Do you ever feel like you do your yoga, meditation, running, breathwork, tapping, journaling… but you still feel stuck? It changes my perspective on this passage from Rumi’s beautiful and wise poem, The Guesthouse:

“This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture.
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.”

Sometimes we lock the door, bar the windows, and stick fingers in our ears to avoid meeting the shame, rage, or fear that comes knocking. But other times, perhaps, not only do we let these visitors in, but we also give them a bed to sleep in and three solid meals a day. Maybe these emotional guests have become roommates that never clean up after themselves or leave the house!

Anger is a good example. If you don’t let anger in the guesthouse, she’ll get madder and madder. You’ll need barricades to keep her out, and eventually she’ll bust through. But what happens if you let her in, and she refuses to leave? How does one honor anger and let her come and go as need be?

I often tell my children that letting out anger and stress is like needing to throw up. When you feel sick to the stomach, trying to hold it in is going to make you feel sicker. It feels much better to just throw up. However, it really is best to find a toilet or a nice tree to receive your purge. It’s not a good idea to throw up on your friends and family; they may run away from you to clean themselves up. Same with anger, which can make us feel sick with resentment, anxiety, or depression when we don’t let it out. Still, we don’t want to vomit anger onto other people; we need private spaces where the purge won’t mess with anyone else, and we can experience the relief of release. 

As stress levels increase all around us, so must our attention towards de-stressing on a regular basis. Our nervous systems aren’t meant to be on high alert all the time. We can’t keep turning away emotions because they arrive at inappropriate times, nor can we let them start camping out in our closets. This is why I’ve become so passionate about simple emotional hygiene and the process of inviting it all in and allowing it all out.

I’m hosting a FREE workshop for emotional release on Saturday. While it won’t be the same level of depth and consistent support that we’ll have in the upcoming group program, it will be a gentle introduction to that work, a safe women’s space for letting go. It’s a chance to remember you’re not alone in your need to continually release. It’s just human nature.

The guests who come in as anger and stress may actually leave as clarity and empowerment. Anxiety and worry may say goodbye as excitement and prayer. We’ll never know until we let them in. We just can’t forget to also let them out!

Wishing you all the balance and well-being that your heart desires,

Julia Aziz