There’s a question I’m hearing a lot, and it’s not a new one. If you’ve been emotionally supporting other people in some way, this question has been relentless in recent years:

How am I supposed to help people through a collective crisis that I am dealing with myself?

As a therapist, group facilitator, and mother of three, I know many parents, mental health practitioners, healthcare and wellness providers, caregivers, teachers, and managers who are processing double-time. I’m not going to try to answer this question; there’s already plenty of advice coming at you. These are just some thoughts for contemplation.

• It is not our job to know better, be better, draw a silver lining around a dark cloud, or fix things just because we are in some sort of helping or leadership role. Like everyone else alive today, we’ve also never lived through this particular time in history. Lessening the pressure we put on ourselves gives room to breathe–and think more clearly.

• It is absolutely our job to truly tend to our ourselves so we can maintain the capacity to show up for others. That may look like receiving more support, but it’s not only about care from the outside. It’s also things like how kindly we talk to ourselves. How we say no and rest. How we let our bodies express the fear or dread or rage or grief, so we don’t have to suppress or project feelings in order to keep going. 

• Showing up with an open, listening heart in deep curiosity about the individual experience of the people we are serving matters. Collective crises do not affect all of us in the same way. Holding a space open for someone (or a group of someones) to work through their own unique experience is a real service. Especially in a time when their other loved ones may not be emotionally available.

I know many kind caregivers feeling like they have to pretend to have hope or optimism when the truth is, they are feeling the dark night. Could it be okay to orient towards “being with” rather than “doing for” others right now? I look to the trees, the river, the animals, the moon, the ancestors. I know even when we don’t want to be where we are in the cycle, we are here. 

If you need a break from people, I hope you can take one. If that’s not possible, I hope you find a refuge for your own feelings, and know that whatever you can give is enough.

With care and courage,

Julia Aziz

SUPPORTS FOR THE HELPERS

–A reminder about this Clearly Clinical podcast interview for professionals struggling with their own heavy times while still helping others. 

–If you could use a place to be yourself amongst other helpers, and you identify as a woman, save a spot in the next season of Release & Empower: A Group Program for Women Moving Through Change. In troubled times, it feels like such a nourishing, fortifying gift to be with women feeling, releasing, and re-centering side-by-side in nonverbal and expressive ways.

–If you’re a mental health professional wanting more clinical and professional development support, you can set up an individual consultation session or join my consultation group.

Sign up for my mailing list and some simple self-support practices here.