We’re having different experiences of what’s happening, and it’s causing some highly volatile emotional weather out there. Clearly we are not all in the same health/economic/job/home/legal status/mental health situation, but also we process and adapt differently. I’ve shifted in my understanding a lot recently, often after reading or talking to someone with a viewpoint I hadn’t considered. It’s a good thing, different voices. It’s also easy to get pulled into an emotional landmine you didn’t mean to step in. 

I’m seeing people volunteering to help and coming together, but I’m also seeing a lot of judgment, blaming, and shaming going on. Whether it’s a loved one who isn’t being as sensitive as they could or a “look on the bright side” post that hits a nerve, it’s a triggering environment. So what do we do with all this activation?

Well, first off, we know it’s often best to step away and not communicate with anyone for a bit. I am mom to three children, so trust me, I know that kind of hermitage is not always possible! Taking recovery time before responding is key though. So is remembering that while we may be triggered, it doesn’t mean someone is to blame. If we feel riled up, it is our responsibility to feel, soothe, and care for ourselves in this vulnerability. It is not within our wheelhouse to change anyone else’s mind or fix the way others feel.

If self-soothing isn’t your MO and you often harshly judge yourself, I recommend placing a hand on your heart and trying out some of these phrases when you feel the trigger coming on:

I love you, and I know you’re doing the best you can. 

I am here for you every step of the way. 

I know this has been really hard for you, and I am so proud of you. 

This is a humbling time. None of us have all the answers. Good news is: none of us ever did! Giving up the attempt to control, surrendering to “I don’t know,” making space for all the feelings to be felt, allowing others that space as well—this is what we can do for ourselves and for each other emotionally. 

It’s OK if you’re scared right now. It’s OK if you’re thriving and empowered. It’s OK if you’re furious. It’s OK if you’re despairing. It’s OK to have all these emotions and more in the span of one hour. There is plenty of space for feelings to be owned, felt, and transformed.

I wish you so much gentleness from your own heart. The more you take care of your own well-being, the better all our interactions are. We can do this, together. 

xoxo
Julia Aziz

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